Resources for Parish Ministry Published by St. Alban's School of Ministry with the encouragement of EFAC
The introduction of the Family Law Act in 1975 marked a significant change not only in law but in the process of a social transition that has had dramatic effects on marriages in Australia. Last year the House of Representatives Standing Committee on Legal and Constitutional Affairs produced a report called To have and to hold: strategies to strengthen marriage and relationships.
The Family Law Act was built on two pillars: the need to preserve and protect the institution of marriage; and the replacement of matrimonial fault with single-ground divorce.
The report made 55 recommendations and called for programs of prevention of marriage break up as distinct from programs of therapy.
There are many startling things in this report and which could be gainfully read by clergy and others who have care of people.
The report outlines trends in marriage such as:
People are marrying less. Australia has experienced declining marriage rate since 1947. In 1994 the rate was as low as that in the great depression and half that during World War II. In 1996 saw the lowest rate of marriages since 1900. One sociologist predicted that by the end of the century 22% of women will not have married by the age of 35 - the highest level in Australian history.
Couples are marrying at an older age: couples were four years older at marriage in 1996 than their parents were in 1971-75.
More couples cohabit before marriage: in 1992, 56% of marriages were preceded by a period of living together - four times the rate twenty years previously. However as many of us suspected these de facto relationships tend to be short lived. 25% last 12 months, about half ended after two years, three quarters after four years, many ended in marriage. However despite the myth that living together helps marriage, the divorce rate is twice as high after five years for those who cohabited compared to those who didn't. The Australian Family Formation Project found that after five years of marriage 13% of those who had cohabited would divorce compared to 6% of those who had not. Ten years later the proportions were 26% and 14%. The myth that cohabiting helps marriages is worth challenging.
There has been a dramatic increase in divorce: according to a 1995 study 10% of marriages fail within six years, 20% within ten tears, 30% within twenty years and 40% by thirty tears. The story is worse for those who marry young. 70% of teenage bridegrooms and 50% of teenage brides are divorced within ten years.
The number of children involved in divorce has grown rapidly in the last twenty years: in 1996 the Family Court estimated conservatively that there were 158,058 children affected by divorce and divorce related proceedings.
Other trends include rising rates of divorce among remarried couples; increase in the proportion of children born out of wedlock; including a rise in teenage ex-nuptial confinements.
These changes have five measurable components according to the report: A steady disintegration of married mother-father child rasing unit; growing inability of families to carry out primary social functions; transfer of influence and authority from families to other institutions; smaller and more unstable family units; the weakening of familism as a cultural value in relation to other values such as personal autonomy.
So what is the impact of these changes? Chapter 3 of the report contains some frightening information. There is a long history of research which shows clear links between health and well-being and marriage, separation and divorce. General health is better among the married. Mortality rates are higher amongst the unmarried - a finding confirmed since the 1930's in every country where statistics exist. Moreover "not only is being married associated with increased longevity, but that the excess mortality of the unmarried relative to the married has been increasing over the past two or three decades; and divorced and widowed people in their twenties and thirties have particularly high rates of premature death." (p28). Significant correlations were found between marital status and common causes of death including suicide.
The impact on children and other impacts we will review next time.
The report can be obtained from the Government bookshop near Albert Facey house, and is available in PDF format on the web at: www.aph.gov.au/house/committe/laca/Inquiryinfam.htm.
An article by Philip Jensen comparing Bertrand Russell's utilitarianism with this report is in Kategoria No 11, 1998.
A recent article in the Medical Journal of Australia (1999: 171: 137-141) reported on the continuing rise of suicide rates amongst Australian males. The data was obtained for the years 1964 -1997. Female suicide rates showed no significant change over his period whereas over the last three decades rates for males aged 15-24 more than doubled. Because of the methods of reporting real figures could be much higher. It has been well known that the 15-24 age group of males has had a rising suicide rate for some time and various prevention programs have been targetted at this age group. However the data showed that a similar rise was now evident in the 25-34 age group. The authors of the report suggested strategies should now be extended to help this group as well. They asked whether this new age cohort may be the younger group growing older - a kind of "damaged generation". The report compares Australia with other Western countries. Finland for example has very high rates - attributable some think to cultural expectations that young men should be tough and resilient. The authors think this suggestion might give clues about cultural expectations in Australia.
It seems many of our young men need to hear the message of Christian hope and relationship with God applied to their own context.
Dale Appleby
Sourced from an article published on the Internet by The Medical Journal of Australia <http://www.mja.com.au>.
Conflict is a part of human relations. It can range in degree from minor differences of opinion to murder and war. It is difficult to deal with when it becomes conflict between persons in church. This article outlines some of the sources of conflict in a church in order to aid understanding and suggests some strategies to deal with it. It is primarily about some of the causes of conflict rather than our reactions to it.
This is a constructive difference of mind between people who are in a secure and loyal relationship to one another. It is like gold. Listen hard and strengthen these relationships.
Constructive
From whatever motive the criticism is true or can lead to positive outcomes.
Cultural
People who want something to be like what they were used to in their previous church, family, country, town, marriage .... Or like another church/minister/event they idolise.
Doctrinal/Ecclesiastical
Differences about theology or church practice.
About Change
Some criticism is symptomatic of fear of change. It is coping with change that is the deeper issue rather than the presenting problem.
Performance
Are you doing as well as the previous minister, as people expect you to, as Moses or Jesus would do?
Personal/Family
Criticism of your lifestyle, your children's behaviour, your spouse's choice of clothes...
Anonymous Letters
These are usually hurtful, often slanderous and commonly wrapped up in spiritual or religious jargon. If you have to read them throw them away immediately, don't repeat their contents and don't show them to others. You may need to deal with the hurt caused (with your spiritual mentor or other helpful person).
Transference and silly complaints
A letter to the Parish Council about the poor choice of hymns may be about something else. Especially when you have picked the top of the pops hymns for the last ten weeks.
Sometimes people wrongly put upon leaders the responsibility to meet various needs - to be a father figure, mother, perfect child etc. Sometimes they confuse the leader with their spouse or employer - and transfer their anger, frustration, sexual desire on to the leader instead of the appropriate person.
Most people involved in conflict are ordinary people who probably don't have a clear understanding of the process of conflict or even the issues being debated. They are well meaning and don't start off polarised. Some are the gatekeepers and proprietors of the church.
These are people who perhaps have problems with authority figures; or who have major personal problems; or who have an exaggerated view of their own abilities or knowledge.
John Simpson the General Superintendent of the Baptist Union of Victoria lists some characteristics of what he calls troublemakers.
* TM's are usually long term church members.
* TM's are mostly to be found in the leadership structure of the church.
* TM's, to their credit, are often very active in the life of the church but usually in areas of ministry where they have control over others.
* TM's are functional in their church involvement. They thrive on getting things done but in ways which have no regard for the effect on others.
* Many TM's come from a professional or business background.
* It is by no means uncommon for a TM to be actively involved in some form of para church ministry.
TMs are rescuers and controllers. They have a high view of their own abilities and insight, they network, see things in black and white and will gather to themselves the unsettled and concerned.
Some people carry many hurts from past years. They have suffered at the hands of others, the hurts have never been healed, nor the issues resolved. But all this is submerged. They present as able caring spiritual people, keen to help and active in church life. They are hard to pick at first. They will often begin in victim mode and having gained sympathy change to a focussed aggression towards the leader. Division is the normal consequence. But congregations can stand against them. They have most power in public meetings.
Each congregation has different power brokers. Not all are in positions of leadership. In fact sometimes the power is greater if they are not in any accountable position. Build relationships with those who influence others.
The leader/minister may be one of the sources of trouble outlined in section 3 above. However to help a church resolve conflict the leader will need confidence in their call; in themselves; and in God. Such strength needs to be of the meek kind described in Philippians 2 and Matthew 5. Getting one's ego tangled up in the issues will certainly prolong and worsen the conflict.
Leadership is generally better done in a group. When conflict threatens this is certainly the case. Make sure you work with other leaders in the congregation to understand the issues, to work out strategies, and to build relationships with the critics. Working in a team means others will be able to communicate better than you with some of the opposition.
Thomas Fischer outlines 12 conciliation responses to conflict. The six healthy ones are:
•Overlooking the unimportant
•Discussion
•Negotiation
•Mediation
•Arbitration
•Church discipline
Submitting to Review
Allow your leadership team to regularly review your ministry.
Articles by Thomas Fischer and John Simpson are available here.
Dale Appleby
John Stott has been a distinguished and respected evangelical leader for a long time now. In this latest book he writes, "...as I approach the end of my life on earth, and this year complete sixty years of privileged Christian discipleship, I would like to leave behind me, as a kind of spiritual legacy, this little statement of evangelical faith, this personal appeal to the rising generation."
This small book (151pp) is a personal appeal for unity amongst the varieties of evangelicals in the church today. He outlines what he sees as evangelical essentials under three heads: The revelation of God; the cross of Christ and the ministry of the Holy Spirit.
I think Stott's book has a wider audience than just evangelicals. It will will be valuable to those who are interested in a straightforward up to date statement of the core of what evangelicals believe. The curious, the interested, and the hostile will find clarity in Stott's little book.
Evangelical Truth: A personal appeal for unity John Stott IVP 1999
It has been said "that in choosing ministry one chooses to command an outpost of unequalled danger which threatens from within and without" and "to keep happy in ministry requires much effort."
How is the happiness achieved and sustained?
The following strands when woven together can form a strong basis for personal happiness in ministry.
1. Remember that it is God who called us to become Christians (Ephesians 2:8-9). This was entirely His work, an expression of His deep love for us, not based upon our ministerial efforts but His grace.
2. Our calling to be pastors is into His church and amongst His people. It is one of the good works He has prepared for us (Ephesians 2: 10) and that we are part of His means for growing His church (Ephesians 4:12-16).
3. The work we engage in is both essential to God's purposes and very special to him. We do well to focus upon Him when we find ourselves or others denigrating or doubting either God's purposes or the place of His pastors (Ephesians 4:1-14).
4. We focus upon the gospel of a crucified and risen Saviour and we look forward to His returning to consummate and complete all the gospel word of the ages - including what we've been privileged to be engaged in. What we are involved in has eternal and glorious consequences. (Ephesians 5:26-27).
5. God's Word is the means not only of our knowledge of God but of joyful faithfulness in ministry. As the Bible is carefully read, prayed over and preached it will yield its rich treasures to the pastor and be a constant source of happiness especially in prayerful preparation. (Eph 6.18).
6. God's people, the fruits of gospel ministry, when gladly accepted as gifts from God and loved, will provide rich fellowship for the pastor. Joy comes in spending time, praying with, meeting with, submitting to and fellowshipping with God's people (Ephesians 5:18-21).
7. God's Spirit given to all believers (Ephesians 1:13-14) can be relied upon as the giver of pastoral gifts and the source of joy and happiness in pastoral work.
At the end of the day the pastor like any Christian has to make the choice to be happy in life and ministry. There will always be reasons for personal and congregational disappointments that can so easily conspire to rob us of happiness and deliver anger and its destructive second cousins, bitterness, malice and slander. All these are clearly works of the evil one (Ephesians 4: 27) who longs to deflect, discourage, disappoint and destroy those called to pastor God's people.
To be able to keep the glorious big picture clearly in focus will ultimately be a matter of choosing to live one's life upon the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. To be happy in ministry a pastor will need to draw upon the traditional means of grace; Bible reading, personal prayer and Christian fellowship. Each of these will serve to remind ministers of the gospel realities which combine to drive away the unwelcome and unhappy guests of self-interest, self- pity and self-effort. Through these means the happy guest, God the Holy Spirit will be daily entertained. With the daily nurture flowing from His presence happiness will inevitably be our growing experience.
Peter Brain
Is there a fixed amount that a Christian community will give? If we encourage people to give to the work of the wider church does it hurt parish giving?
NO - not in our experience.
We are a small parish with a big debt yet a big vision as well. The church does not end at our parish boundaries. We know this because we have two partner parishes and a grant from the diocese that crosses the borders coming in. We know this because we have two parishioners working in Africa and a Chaplain in the local High School (which is not within the boundaries) who we wanted to support somehow despite our lack of money.
And somehow, we've done it.
We've talked together a lot about God's extravagant generosity to us in every way, and that all we are and all we have is gift from God, to be enjoyed and used for the best purposes. That not only our giving and sharing but our spending and saving need to be done as part of life in God's Kingdom.
We've told each other about times when we have seen how being open-handed rather than closed-fisted with our lives, our time and energy, our possessions and money, and our love has meant that in God's grace we have more life and joy, not less.
We have heard (often!) about our responsibility to support the Christian family to which we belong,
SO...
We had been running street stalls, quiz nights, fashion shows etc to get money to give to the chaplaincy and mission overseas, and we still do some of that. (We have a policy that we will not use stalls and fetes etc. to raise money from the community to spend on ourselves, but only to spend on others.)
Our Treasurer suggested that we should also use double-sided offering envelopes and encourage parishioners to put their loose change into the missions side.
Last year we raised $1 500 for missions in these ways, and another $350 for famine relief, $250 for development aid overseas, $50 for the church in Moora after the floods. We joined with a larger group of people to gather and send a container load of medical and school equipment to Tanzania. Our share of that was hundreds of hours of work and about $1250 directly over 2 years.
WHAT HAPPENED TO PARISH GIVING?
Guess what? It went up by $1000 in the first year and by $1 500 last year.
Why? I think because if we focus on our poverty we become fearful and mean, if we let ourselves experience and trust God's generosity we allow the Holy Spirit to make us more open and generous and we find ourselves enjoying it!.
Cassandra Nixon
Net Results is a monthly magazine with a consistent focus on growing churches, but covers a wide variety of practical matters related to church life. $65 pa or $8 for a sample. Available from MediaCom PO Box 610 Unley SA 5061
Leadership is a quarterly journal focussing on issues for leaders of churches. It has a lot to do with leadership issues, conflict, relationships, growing churches and looking after people. This is a high quality magazine - worth getting. $55pa or $12.50 for a sample. Available from MediaCom.
Australian Small Group Network provides seminars, training, consultations and regular resource tapes for use by small group leaders. Church partnership is available for $100 pa, other forms of membership are available. Contact ASGN PO Box 476 Kalamunda.
On the Web
••The Difference between Givers and Takers
http://ministryhealth.cis.to/239_101_plus_differences_givers_vs_takes.html
••Christian Leadership Newsletter
http://www.christianityonline.com/cln
••Internet for Christians
A recent article Masculine Responses to Loss: Clinical Implications in the Journal of Family Studies (Vol 4, No 2, October 1998, pp143-158) by Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin questions the common view that men are at a disadvantage in grieving with an apparent inability to express feelings and find social support.
By contrast they put forward the idea that there are gender differences in grieving. They describe a pattern of grieving they call masculine grief which although gender related is not gender specific - some women grieve this way too. This masculine grief is different they say, but not deficient.
Rather than use the terms mourning or grieving the authors prefer the term adaptation "to indicate the process of adjusting to a loss both internally and externally." Instead of models based on a grieving process, they use a task model to understand the way people adapt to loss. They suggest five basic tasks: "accepting the reality of loss; experiencing and working through the feelings associated with grief; readjusting to a changed life; emotionally relocating the deceased and moving on with life; ... rebuilding faith or philosophical systems that have been challenged by loss."
Their review of research showed that men and women choose different strategies to adapt to loss. Men were more task and protective oriented and less inclined to join self help groups. They quote one researcher who said, "Men grieve just as intensely as their wives, but their expression of grief may take different forms."
So what is the masculine pattern of grieving? In general their answer is that "feelings are moderated and grief is often processed cognitively, behaviourally and solidarily."
They describe four main characteristics of male grieving.
Moderated feelings: masculine grievers do have feelings but may not express them as outwardly, anger may be a more readily available feeling, they deal with their real feelings by redirecting their energies, they may have a world view that encourages them to take control and master the crisis.
Cognitive Experience: Masculine grievers may work more with cognitions explaining their grief or problem-focussed strategies that help them adapt and protect.
Problem-Focussed Activity: Masculine grievers may adapt to loss by practical hands-on finding solutions to problems associated with the loss.
Desire for Solitude: Support groups are not favoured by masculine grievers. This may be a desire to master their own feelings and also reflect the more practical behaviour involved in adapting to a loss.
The authors suggest some implications for counselling including assisting problem-solving and protective action; acknowledging cognitions and diminished feeling expression; bibliotherapy and physical activity.; affirming and validating their process of adapting rather than criticising the lack of feeling expression.
Dale Appleby
This symbol is from a chart in Build My Church. It represents trend lines for the continued decline of the Anglican Church, amongst others, if present trends are not reversed.
How can we reverse the trend?
Plant Churches: These need not be new parishes, but can be new congregations within a parish. Thinking of a new congregation as a church plant rather than a new service allows a group to form as a mission team to establish and help nurture the new plant. Such a mind-set also makes mission and evangelism a major priority. These days we can no longer afford to start services that are indulgences to peoples fads and desires. We must plant new congregations amongst sub-groups whom we are not reaching through our traditional services. Young people is an obvious case. But so are young families. Read Planting Tomorrow's Churches Today by Martin Robinson and Stuart Christine (Monarch).
Recognise Our Opportunities: The aging of the Anglican church may be a boon to us in the short term as Australia's population ages as well. Early retiring baby-boomers, the nostalgia generation, may find new interest in the old Anglican church if we can present ourselves to them in appropriate forms.
Evangelise: Leaving aside inhibitions about the term, our urgent task is to make contact with people who are not in our immediate Anglican circle and help them understand the Christian gospel. Mostly in the past we have drawn in pre-churched people and that is probably still the case. However this is a diminishing group, especially in the critical age group of 20-39. We now need to work out ways of relating to the next circle out. These will probably be friends of attenders. So a variety of bridging events/groups are needed - but bridges that lead to a context where the gospel can be heard clearly.
The Jesus video is a useful resource for some. Alpha is another method that suits middle class people. Lifeworks is a different version of Alpha which will be launched in October - we will review it when it is out.
What are you doing to reverse the trend? Let us know.