World Views 9
People have always loved to gossip. The writer of Proverbs knew the sweet taste and bitter after-effects of the gossip's delicacies. "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." (Proverbs 18.8) Many nursery rhymes began as gossipy little tales about royalty and other important figures. Historians sometimes struggle to distinguish truth from historical gossip. Whether condemned as uncivilized and uncharitable, or dismissed as a feminine (and therefore trivial) preoccupation, gossip has continued to flourish.
In the last 50 years or so, gossip has become not just a human foible but a marketable commodity. Magazines, newspapers, television stations and Internet sites provide an endless diet of juicy tidbits of information about the rich and famous, as well as "in-depth" scrutiny of ordinary people's lives. Sometimes it comes blatantly labelled as gossip, at other times it's dressed up as news, current affairs or documentary. TV soapies give us fictional lives to discuss, while Big Brother offers the ultimate in public scrutiny of other people's daily dramas.
What makes us so interested in other people's lives, particularly their private lives? The popularity of gossip in our society has caught the attention of social researchers and psychologists, and a number of books and academic papers on the topic have been produced in the last few years. Most suggest that gossip acts as a sort of social lubricant, helping to keep people interacting. In a generation where we are all too busy to spend much time with each other, it gives us an insight into how other people live, and satisfies our curiosity. One author suggested that it fulfills the same role in human beings that grooming does in monkeys!
Gossip tells us what are the real (rather than the official) moral standards of our society and prompts us to measure up or risk being the object of gossip ourselves. At the same time, it meets our desire to see tall poppies brought down to our level. Information is a source of power, and the gossip uses information to buy attention and influence.
Gossip involves breaking confidences, passing judgments or harming another's reputation. Not everything described as gossip by the sociologists comes into this category. Exchanging news about events such as the birth of a child or a coming wedding is sometimes described as "gossip", but this is not what the Bible writers meant when they warned against the dangers of gossiping.
Most Christians are aware that gossip is a sin, and try to avoid it. Yet the culture around us has permeated our thinking so thoroughly that we can fall well short of biblical standards without even realizing it. We tend to dismiss gossip as a fairly harmless matter, hardly worth worrying about. We may even see it as entertaining.
Yet Paul brackets gossip with jealousy, strife and disorder. He ranks gossips and slanderers with murderers, deserving God's judgment and death (Rom 1:28-32). James devotes several paragraphs of his epistle to the damage done by loose tongues (James 3:1-11). When we gossip, we expose and injure another person's character and reputation, and rob them of the chance to speak for themselves.
Even if we agree that gossiping is wrong, we still find ways of doing it without seeming to gossip. We sanitize long discussions of other people's problems and faults by adding "I thought you'd like to know so that you can pray about it." Or we justify breaking confidences by glibly saying "but that's confidential, of course. I just wanted to share my concern".
We exchange humorous stories about our spouse or children which show them in an embarrassing light. Or worse, we discuss their faults with all who will hear. We listen intently to other people gossiping, then go off muttering "They're such gossips. I'm glad I'm not like that." Perhaps we use information in order to impress others with how well we know everybody and everybody's business. Even if we're not harming anyone, we do little for our own godliness and humility.
None of us want to be the subject of gossip. If the Bible made no mention of gossiping, the simple rule, "Do to others as you would have them do to you", ought to restrain us from discussing others behind their backs. Experience of what happens in any social group or organization when gossip takes hold should lead us to agree with James that the tongue is like a fire, setting our world ablaze. Numerous churches have been destroyed and countless Christians injured by slander and factionalism that began as "harmless" gossip.
We're so accustomed to thinking of gossip as a valid and entertaining form of communication that we may wonder what life would be like without it. Wouldn't it be boring? What would we talk about? Doesn't gossip help to keep us communicating with each other? How would we run a prayer meeting?
In fact, gossip tends to inhibit real communication. If everything you say is going to be common knowledge by tomorrow, you'll hesitate to share your deeper personal concerns. If you hear me criticizing another person behind their back, you'll wonder what I'm saying about you in your absence. The "Chinese whisper" effect of gossip leads to distortions and misunderstandings that prevent accurate communication and may have disastrous results. Confidentiality is a prerequisite for good communication.
How can we strike a balance between guarding our tongues and loving our neighbours? The answer is not to draw up a list of do's and don'ts about gossip. Words that are clearly gossip in one situation may be a legitimate and careful sharing of information in another. For instance, it may be appropriate to share our concerns about another person with their pastor which it wouldn't be appropriate to share with our home group.
What we really need is a change of heart so that we agree with God's view of gossip rather than the world's. Then we need God's help to learn to speak only in love - and to seek forgiveness when we fail. Discerning what is gossip is not always easy, nor is holding our tongues and restraining our curiosity. So we also need to be prepared to forgive others when we find them gossiping about us.
Gossip tends to thrive alongside secrecy, so being open and honest with each other also helps stop its spread. Since we're all sinners, there seems little reason for trying to hide our sins from each other, although we all do it. (I'm not suggesting that we compete for the title of Greatest Sinner, simply that we accept that we're not in the running for Greatest Saint.) If we allow others to know that we have problems, that we're not perfect people living perfect lives, then there's less room for speculation and hearsay, and more opportunity for genuine caring.
Imagine the impact that could be made in our world by a group of people known for their ability to keep confidences and shun gossip. If the only "secret" we shared was the gospel and the only person we gossiped about was Jesus, we could be powerful witnesses to God's love and concern for people. We wouldn't be popular with those who wanted to cut others down and spread rumours, but other people would be drawn to us, and through us to Christ.
Stella Budrikis